Recently a friend of mine told me that having seen me off (with a certain un-named individual), she had been thinking about the old movies in which the right walk home as it is refered to by Carol Ann Duffy, was the backdrop for many a romantic encounter.
With various new programmes based almost solely on the possibility of romance, I began to wonder just what was espected in 21st century England. Being many things, I am, above all, a cynic, and therefore dare to ask, if traditional romance isn't dead, where has it gone?
The much loved gentlemanly manners of years gone by were whole-heartedly abandoned with the rise of feminism in the late 19th century, a movement that is most dramatically marked by the Women's Vote in 1918 (1920 in the USA) and the foundation of the Equal Opportunities Comission in 1978. Yet is it possible that, having gained so much renown and respect from these historical events, their passing incurred the demise of the traditional respect - of chivalry, of curtesy. Certainly the feminine situation has improved, "the purpose of university" is no longer "to find a suitable husband", as is said in James Cameron's epic, Titanic, but, in contrast, with the woman's role diminished, the rules of the courtship and seduction have become altogether inexistant. Few could imagine the langorous courtships of the 18th century taking place in the modern world, and ironically, Channel 4 has recently undertaken the task of recreating this period for that very purpose.
So do we always have to rely on outside sources for romance? Television is well-known for its ongoing attempts to create relationships though programmes such as Blind Date, the more recent Love on a Saturday Night, Joe Millionnaire (now presented in a new British version as well), and, of course, Regency House Party. Films present the idyllic, predictable couples that even if they appear to hate each other end up together in the end, although the blame is not entirely theirs; here is an exerpt from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing:
ActI, Scene I
BEATRICE: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick: nobody marks you.
BENEDICK: What, me dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
BEATRICE: Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy otself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.
These witty, challenging comebacks, however, inevitably become a little more... amorous:
Act IV, Scene I
BENEDICK: I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?
BEATRICE: As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me to say I love nothing so well as you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing.
So the blame does not only belong to the media, and this union of opposites could be called romantic, but how do we apply these things to reality? Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin claims that a large portion of single men are unmarried, 5.5%, to be exact, 25% of which are heterosexual men who have simply chosen not to marry. Why? He offers "love-shyness" as the reason, saying that although it affects both men and women, it is the men that become "vulnerable". Surely, however, this does not mean that the necessity to "initiate informal conversations" is placed solely on the woman's shoulders. This change in the balance of whom approaches whom has been altering for many years now, and whereas some are embracing these differences, a large portion of the population can feel uncertain as to where they stand.
There is a good deal of uncertainty, moreover, in the security of the relationship itself. By looking far into the past, we see that the events of 1533, in the court of Henry VII, must still be taken into consideration. In Philippa Gergory's much appraised novel, The Other Boleyn Girl, the character of Anne Boleyn comments on how, by deposing Catherine of Aragon, she had placed every woman's marriage at risk, including her own.
These are Thomas Cramner's words in a letter written by him at the time, speaking of the King's divorce and remarriage;
"And the morrow after Ascension day I gave final sentence therin, how it was indispensable for the Pope to license any such marriages."
Following these events marriage was no longer considered sacrosanct, and therefore the nature of relationships themselves changed. Recent statistics show that 50% of all first marriages end in divorces, a number that increases by 20% for every subsequent marriages, half of which end within the first seven years. So the outlook is not bright, however that does not mean that romance has ceased to thrive. The fact that right walk home has not yet vanished from this plain of existance means that there is still some hope for success. As Ken Kesey, author of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, says, "People think that love is an emotion. Love is good sense." Whether this is true or not, it shows that "love", and everything that is even remotely related to it, can (and does) have some grounding in interpretation, thought, and understanding more than simple impulses and emotions.
It is with these words that I must assume that romance is not dead, and is finding itself reluctant to be overpowered by the rise of skepticism, cynicism and those willing to over-analyse it. I, for one, humbly proclaim myself to be one of these so-called antagonists and know that wherever there is "a cute card or a kissogram", I will be there, wondering whether it is the product of true emotion or mere commercialisation.
Sources:
* Before You Were Mine by Carol Ann Duffy.
* Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare.
* Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences & Treatments by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin.
* Medieval Courcebook: Letter of Thomas Cramner, 1533.
* Relationship Statistics
* The words of Ken Kesey
* Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy.